Turning Points

There have been many turning points for me over the 41 plus

years of marriage. Sometimes they come as “ah ha” moments

where the scales drop from my eyes suddenly and I receive 

insights--related to me mostly. The biggest turning point in 

recent years, and which continues to grow, is my view of God.

He has gone from a distant, uninvolved God who dwells “out

there” somewhere, to a very real, very present Papa. Glen and

I recently attended a marriage renewal weekend where truth I 

have heard before was activated--the “ah ha.” I heard that Glen

was not designed to meet my needs. My source is God alone.

God’s desire for me is to minister to Glen and leave the outcome

to God. God’s grace is sufficient for me to be able to walk this

out on a daily basis. God wants me to be so occupied with Him,

so full of Him, that Glen becomes irrelevant in terms of my 

happiness. Wow!

Isaiah 43:18, 19 says:

“Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland.”

God is Able

We are coming up on 42 years of Marriage--to each other. It has been

a hard slog, but divorce was never an option for either one of us. I was

38 and married ten years before I decided to grow up and take responsi-

bility for myself and my actions.Until then I was perfectly content to let

someone else handle my life including the training of my children. After

all what is the church for? The decision to grow up and become an adult

was a major turning point but change came rather slowly. I felt inadequate

on the inside as one who only had value to God, but who often doubted

God’s pleasure and acceptance of her. I was deeply into performance, but

things kept coming up to show me how poorly I played that game! The 

unfilled needs--holes-- of things like love, worth, acceptance, adequacy 

and security drove all of my relationships. Even though I have been a 

Christian since childhood, I only realized over the past ten years,

 WHO I AM IN CHRIST. He is the only source for getting my needs met.

This unfolding revelation is changing all of my relationships including the

one with Glen. God has been part of every twist and turn. 

My God is able!

Can This Marriage be Saved?

In Genesis 2:24, God says:

“A man shall leave his mother and father and hold fast

to his wife and they shall become one flesh.”

When I began to consider marriage at age 27 I had holes, empty

places, that I thought would be filled by my husband. I honestly

thought that God put two people together because without the other

we could not be complete. Did I read the wrong books; listen to the 

wrong people or was I blind and deaf? I also thought that to 

“be one flesh” was to lose ones individuality. But I also had this idea

that Glen would meet all my needs, fill all my holes and adore me. After 

I got married I thought marriage to my husband was some kind of 

cosmic joke. Perhaps I had married the wrong man! We were as 

different as can be in how we processed information, the number of 

words we had for spending each day, and who we thought was the

most important of the two of us! My Glen was a medical student, was

not interested in filling my holes, wanted a wife who would take care

of him, adore him, and meet his needs.

Can God save this marriage?

Great Book!!!

I just finished reading a book that is centered in WWII. It is the book
assigned by my Book Club for this month--and so timely in terms of
Memorial Day. The title of this #1 New York Times Bestseller is
Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand who authored Seabiscuit. Unbroken
is a story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption. I found myself
angry at how the events of life played out for the protagonist,
Louie Zamperini, but by the end of the book I was able to see the
fingerprints of God from beginning to end.

GOD IS

Yes, there is much anguish as I read through Psalm 22,

but I am amazed at the praise and hope which flows

through the lips of the Son and written down by the Psalmist:

“You are holy

enthroned on the praises of Israel...

I will tell of your Name to my brothers;

in the midst of the congregation I will

praise You.

Praise Him!

For He has not despised or abhorred

the afflictions of the afflicted

And He has not hidden His face

from Me,

but has heard, when I cried to Him.”

I see something here, a principle found throughout the

Psalms. No matter how bad the situation, the Psalmist

almost always includes praise, often at the beginning but

also at the end. When I am able to speak the truth about God,

I find lightness even when nothing is moving.

GOD IS. He is present.

And that, dear reader, is the way out of darkness 

when every door is closed.

NEW STORY

Check out Mimi in the story section of the website:
www.hisvictoriousindwelling.com

Psalm 22

Surely David is amazed by what he wrote the day Psalm 22 was

penned. One writer I know writes that all the words of scripture

were spoken by the Father to the Son and by the Son to the Father

before time!

So, here we are centuries before Jesus goes to the cross, and yet

the cry goes up to the Father--in the present tense. But then, God

dwells outside of time. I picture them standing together where the 

Lamb lies dead before the foundation of the world. While at the 

same time, they watch Jesus as He is being crucified.

The Father has his arm around His Son, 

holding Him fast 

as Jesus watches and speaks:

“My God, My God, WHY have you forsaken Me?

WHY are you, my dearest Papa, so far from seeing

me, even deaf to the words of my anguish? I cry to You

but all I hear is the echo of an empty room. I find no

rest day or night. I am like a worm; not even a man.

I am scorned by men and despised. You, Papa, were

there at my birth and I trusted You back then. You

were my God from that point on.

Oh, God, be not far from me, for trouble is near

AND THERE IS NO ONE TO HELP!”

Ps 22:1,2,6,9,10,11 loose translation by Jane

Papa, as I meditate on this scene I am amazed by the

anguish expressed by my Lord. The whole picture is

beyond my understanding. As the day progresses 

something begins to happen and I think us as your kids. 

Groaning in the agony of circumstances does NOT 

mean I don’t have faith. I can fully express my emotions 

to You without denying my trust in You. How often I have 

stuffed down my emotions fearful of Your displeasure. 

I have the freedom to ask why...

Psalm 21--part B

Obviously I am getting further and further from reading just one psalm

a day let alone five. Dietrich Bonhoeffer would not only have his

students read five psalms a day but also meditate on a verse of 

scripture for 30 minutes--the same verse for five days running!

Ps 21:2

You have given Him his heart’s desire

and not withheld the request of his lips.

Papa, You see my heart’s desires, deeper than I can know,

and You set up circumstances, allow me to fail, lose 

control, be adrift, so that You can answer the deepest desires

of my heart. In the midst of the deep yearnings of my heart, 

You pay attention to the little things that I bring to You throughout 

the day. No request is too small for You.

Psalm 21

I love to open the Psalms and read what is penned for that day

of the month. Sometimes I read all five, but often I get no further

than a couple of verses in just one Psalm! I found this gem yesterday:

O, Lord, in Your strength the king

rejoices,

And in Your salvation how greatly 

he exults. Ps 21:1

Papa, my Lord, I rejoice in Your strength--You are THE mighty

God, strong on my behalf. Be exalted in your strength. May I

rejoice in this aspect: the strong One, the mighty One.

And, I greatly rejoice in your salvation. You died to set me free

from isolation, loneliness. I can live each day in that intimate 

fellowship that You have obtained for me.

Oh, yes, Papa, I exult in your salvation!

The Little White Lamb

One afternoon I was lying on my back pondering God’s love for me. 

A picture came to mind of a spring meadow and a little white lamb 

who was fast asleep--all by himself. But was he? No way! 

Next to him sat the shepherd. The tired little lamb--after all he 

had played the morning away--was loved and safe in the Shepherd’s care. 

The lamb doesn’t have to do anything, say anything, be anything--

HE IS LOVED.

Two Cups--Part 2

The Cup of Redemption

“And when He had taken the cup, and giving thanks, He gave it

to them; and they all drank from it.

And He said to them, “This is My blood of the covenant, which

is poured out for many.”  Mark 14:23,24

"And in the same way He took the cup after they had eaten and 

said, 'This cup which is poured out for you; do this in remembrance

of Me.'”  Luke 22:20

Jesus drinks the cup of sorrow as He dies on the cross and gives to us: 

the cup of blessing, 

the cup of redemption, 

the cup of the New Covenant, 

the cup of Life.

Papa, When I consider the two cups and how there would be no cup

of redemption if Jesus had not willingly drunk from the cup of sorrow,

I stand amazed and speechless by your love for me.

Two Cups--Part 1

The Cup of Deep Sorrow

The past few weeks as I have considered the subject of grief,

I began to ponder Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. There

was this cup which then led me to another cup...

Jesus speaks to His Papa:

“My soul is very sorrowful even to death...

My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass

from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as

You will.  Matt 26:38,39

What is this cup Jesus speaks of? What is the brew  

bubbling up which is so overwhelming to Him, that He begs

His Father to remove it? Dear Reader, was this not the 

vileness of sin that our spotless Lord contemplates? Is the cup

not full of the rebellion and independence which captured the

imagination of our parents and spawned sin, death and destruction

ever since? The sorrow over this cup is so great our Lord sweats 

great drops of blood.

Papa, What is happening to You during those dark hours in Gethsemane?

How is it that your love for us, for me is so strong that you set before

your beautiful, holy Son, this cup, a cup of sorrow like no other?

This One Hits Home!

I love Michael Wells as he is concentrates on the simplicity of Christ in the 

Believer’s life. This is what I read this morning:

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

How does one take the smallest particle and make it smaller?

By exploding it! The nucleus of the atom is a very small thing,

and yet it can be made smaller through an explosion.

There is a lesson here for all that would decrease that God 

might increase. The smallest bit of self-life will be made 

smaller only after God magnifies it through an explosion.

“Oh, I was doing so well loving God and walking in holiness,

and then you entered the room. I can walk perfectly well with

Jesus until you enter the room. I do not really have any problems,

and am walking in the Spirit, until you enter the room.” 

Though we do not like being confronted with it, whenever a “you” in

our life enters the room, our self-life explodes! We did not think

that we had a self-life that ugly until it was inescapably revealed

to us. We need not be discouraged or avoid the present situation,

when we see God and have a move in Him. He is only exploding

self so that it might decrease in us. We can simply acknowledge

to Him the flesh when we grasp our weak inability to love. We

decrease that he might increase.

My Weakness for His Strength

Volume One

Michael Wells, Abiding Life Ministry

Mother's Day 2012

The day was fast approaching and I hoped that I would wake up on

Monday without having to go through Sunday. I am not sure why

it is such a difficult day for me, nor am I alone in this. It is a day set 

aside to celebrate motherhood, but so often there seems to be little

to celebrate: singleness, ones own difficult Mom, the death of a child,

barrenness, empty nest... Our culture does not honor motherhood as

anything special. Even the church can produce some pretty lame sermons

on Mother’s Day. One pastor in particular stands out to me because he

used this particular day to excoriate women! (I hid in the nursery.) My kids

left home to seek their fortunes at 20 and 17 and have lived across the 

country ever since making it difficult to be together on this day.

This past week a friend and I sat over lunch and compared notes. She too

had some bad memories but I love her slant on it. Donna noticed in scripture

that God honored mothers and she has taken this as her foundation which

has changed the day for her. She celebrates God’s heart for her! Donna 

invited us over to spend Sunday with her and her family, including two

delightful grown sons. 

However, when Sunday morning arrived I noticed that self pity had also

arrived. The presence of self pity usually leads to “a bitter root expectation.”

I spent some time sitting with Papa regarding this and then headed down-

stairs to fix breakfast. There at the bottom of the stairs stood Jesus! No, I

did not see Him with my physical eyes but I knew He was there and that

He was holding a white box tied with a red ribbon. What was in that box?

Well, throughout the day I received the individually wrapped gifts: the sermon,

the flowers, the cards, the phone calls, the fresh strawberries, the steak dinner

lovingly grilled by my husband, balloons, laughter--all tied up under a blue

sky with lots of sunshine!

Thank you, Papa, for bringing light into a dark place, for showing up and 

showing off! 

Ponder This!

But the Lord was pleased

To crush Him, putting Him to grief...

He Himself bore the sin of many,

And interceded for the transgressor. 

                  Is. 53:10,12

He (Papa God) made Him (His Son)

who knew no sin, to be sin, that we

might become the righteousness of God.

                  2 Cor. 5:21

I cannot think of a single “god” out there who is all about giving 

and sacrifice for his adherents. No, in every story “the god” 

is brutally demanding of his subjects, sometimes to the point 

of shedding their own blood. It is always, “Do this, do that and

 then I might help you;  I might show you favor.” 

Our God hung on a cross and died a brutal death so that we 

might be righteous as He is righteous. 

“IT IS FINISHED.”

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but I want to love, honor,

and adore the One who loved me enough to pay the ultimate

price in order to make me His own. It is always and forever about

HIM!

Man of Sorrows

JESUS:

His appearance was so marred,

beyond human semblance.

He had no form or majesty

that we should look at him,

no beauty that we should desire him.

He was despised and rejected by men

a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief

and as one whom men hide their faces

he was despised, 

and we esteemed him not.

Surely he has born our griefs

and carried our sorrows

yet we esteemed him stricken

smitten by God,

and afflicted....

Yet, it was the will of the Lord

to crush him;

He put him to grief.

Is. 52:14; Is 53:2-4,10

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0h-6Q_KPPw&feature=related

Joseph

How can I talk about suffering and grief without mentioning Joseph

whose story covers 22 chapters in Genesis? (Gen. 37,39-50)

Joseph is:

The favorite beloved son of his father

Hated and betrayed by his brothers into slavery at age 17

Falsely accused by Potiphar’s wife and imprisoned

Interprets the dream of the cupbearer to Pharaoh, but forgotten

Remains in prison two more years.

Poor miserable Joseph. If I had been in Joseph’s shackles...!

But what is the truth?

“The Lord was with Joseph, and he became a successful man.” Gen. 39:2

The Hebrew for successful means: to prosper, to get on well.

“The Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love and gave

him favor in the sight of the keeper of the prison.” Gen. 39:21

“...The Lord was with him. And whatever he did the Lord made it

succeed.”  Gen. 39:23

The Lord was with him and so Joseph was a “lucky fellow.” Old English

I find this truly amazing. Somehow Joseph understood this truth even

in the midst of his suffering.

In the last chapter of Joseph’s life we see the death of Jacob and the

terror of his brothers: “PLEASE forgive us,” they plead.

Joseph says to them: “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? As for

you, you meant it for evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring

it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. So

do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” and so he 

comforted them.   

Papa, Joseph walked it out one dark day at a time--for years! What a 

great story of one man’s trust in you, and how it played out over time.

Time... I keep trying to figure it out in terms of the next day, or in terms 

of a week, or maybe even a year. 

Loved With Everlasting Love

Back in the 1960‘s I was involved with a campus ministry 

called Intervarsity Christian Fellowship or IVCF. 

One of my favorite hymns from that time has been humming

in my head today.  

Loved with everlasting love, 

Led by grace that love to know;

Spirit breathing from above,

Thou hast taught me it is so!

Oh, this full and perfect peace!

Oh, this transport all divine!

In a love which cannot cease,

I am His and He is mine.

Heav’n above is softer blue,

Earth around is sweeter green!

Something lives in every hue

Christless eyes have never seen:

Birds with gladder songs o’erflow,

Flowers with deeper beauties shine,

Since I know, as now I know,

I am His and He is mine.

Things that once were wild alarms

Cannot now disturb my rest:

Closed in everlasting arms,

Pillowed on the loving breast.

Oh, to lie forever here,

doubt and care, and self resign,

While he whispers in my ear--

I am His and He is mine.

His forever only His,

Who the Lord and me shall part?

Ah, with what a rest of bliss,

Christ can fill the loving heart!

Heav’n and earth may fade and flee,

Firstborn light in gloom decline;

But while God and I shall be,

I am His and He is mine.

Wade Robinson/J Mountain

What About Job?

The first chapter sets the stage: God says to Satan, “Have you considered

my servant Job?” Job belongs to God and it sounds like God is offering up His

servant to the enemy. Hmmm. Then all hell breaks loose--against Job. First comes

the attack on his possessions, then his children and finally on Job’s body. He suffers

great loss, tremendous grief, and unremitting physical discomfort--all in the same

period of time. His friends suggest that there has to be a REASON, like sin, 

for his suffering and Job better confess it! The implication in all of their arguments 

is that since God is good and God is just, it HAS to be Job’s fault!

As I read through this book, I see God touching Job at his core. God wanted to 

reveal Job’s heart to Job. I think that we see Job’s heart in the confession: “I know

that my redeemer lives, and at last he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin

has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God. (Job 19:25,26) 

What an amazing man!

Then in the fulness of time--after man has had his say, God speaks directly to Job

out of a whirlwind: 

“Who are you? Speak like a man! Where were you when I...?

What do you know about simple things like where the snow is stored, 

how to set the constellations in place, 

the way of the eagle?” Then God moves on: 

“Can your own right hand save you? 

Can you conquer the Leviathan? No?” 

At this point all of Job’s questions vanish and he says,

 “I had heard of You by the hearing of the ear,

but now my eyes see You.” Job worships God out of his brokenness.

God does not answer Job’s “why” questions or deal with his confusion, nor does he

explain the conversation He had with Satan. He does not usually answer my 

“why” questions either.  Answers fail to alleviate the pain if they don’t speak into 

the deep recesses of my heart. I need the big picture: “Jane, where were you when

I hung the stars in space, when I set the ocean currents in motion, when the sun

began to flood the earth with light and beauty flowed forth in various colors?”

Suddenly the suffering of Job becomes the glory and majesty of God.  It really

is always and only about HIM, is it not?

Rachel...Weeping for Her Children

I have penetrated this veil of sorrow, loss and grief, and now,

want to dig deeper. Where do I go? As I ponder this question

stories come to mind. The first one is about women...

“Then Herod, when he saw that he had been tricked by the 

wise men, he became furious, and he sent and killed all the male

children in Bethlehem and in all the region who were two years

old or younger according to the time he had ascertained from 

the wise men. Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the prophet

Jeremiah:”

“A voice was heard in Rama,

weeping and loud lamentation. 

Rachel weeping for her children;

she refused to be comforted, because

they are no more.”  Matt 2:16-18

Violence, death, helplessness, mourning, loss, wailing. Why?

Because a baby was a threat to the reigning king. All the males

two and under in the whole region, are dead. The “prince of 

peace” has arrived--and his birth has brought a sword.

I don’t know about you, dear reader, but the magnitude of pain

in that one verse, takes my breath away. Why? Why did God not

prevent it? Why was there an ancient prophecy? Why did God

allow it, for what purpose?

I think about the women. Mary leaves ahead of the slaughter sitting

on a donkey with her baby safely tucked into her arms, while Rachel 

sits desolate, her arms empty. And where, pray tell, was God in all of this; 

distant, uncaring, asleep?

NO! Papa God was weeping over each woman; He was weeping over the 

dead babies, the little lambs who were now cuddled in His arms. What else 

caused Him to weep? Papa God was looking 33 years ahead and saw 

 HIS only Son, His innocent Lamb, flesh torn, hanging on a Tree.  God

spilling His blood to redeem evil man, even those who had killed the innocent

babes years before.  Another woman is in the picture. Her name is Mary

and she sits weeping, stunned, helpless, full of sorrow.

Papa God, I so misunderstand life when I only look at the now. I have to

see things from your eternal perspective with Your purposes in mind.  I 

still do not understand why the babies were killed, but I do know you

cared and there was redemption.

Our Firm Foundation

I find that if grief does not bring me to God's Perspective,

I cannot find my footing. I recently came across an old hymn 

that says it very well:

How firm a foundation, yet Saints in the Lord

Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word;

What more can He say than to you He hath said

You who unto Jesus for refuge have fled?

Fear not, he is with thee, O be not dismayed,

For He is Thy God, and will still give thee aid:

He’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand

Upheld by His righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters he calls thee to go,

The rivers of grief shall not thee overflow;

For He will be with thee in trouble to bless,

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall be,

His grace all sufficient shall be thy supply;

The flame shall not hurt thee, its only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus has leaned for repose

He will not, he cannot, desert to its foes;

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake

He never will leave, He will never forsake.

Charles Wesley

A Grace Disguised

A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser

How The Soul Grows Through Loss

Jerry, a son, husband and father, loses his mother, wife and four year

old daughter in a head on automobile crash. Two small sons and a

daughter survive the crash in fairly good shape. Three generations of 

women gone in the blink of an eye. Jerry is transparent as he shares 

his difficult journey through dark days of anger and deep depression 

while at the same time caring for his three grief stricken children and 

working to pay the bills.

“The experience of loss does not have to be the defining moment of our

lives,” writes Jerry Sittser, “Instead, the defining moment can be our

response to the loss. It is not what happens to us that matters so 

much as what happens in us.”

Both of these books revealed unknown, unacknowledged and 

unexpressed grief in my own heart. This is not a bad thing

because a festering wound of any sort cripples and binds our 

hearts. God wants hidden things brought into the light; His light

of healing and restoration.

Grieving Forward

This past week I read two books on Grieving and would like to

share them with you the next two days.

Grieving Forward

Embracing Life Beyond Loss 

by Susan Duke

Susan is a Mom whose first born son, her only son, was suddenly

killed in an automobile accident. In the book she describes her

raging emotions, the shock and disbelief when the doctor came 

and said, “I’m so sorry but we couldn’t save your son.” Susan was

under the impression that his only injury was a broken leg. This son 

of hers was 18 and loved life; he was a real joy to her. Susan takes her 

readers through the first few weeks describing in detail, the physical

and emotional impact of her sudden loss. She then introduces

us to the long journey through grief and anger to the point where her 

needs become a springboard bringing hope to many grieving

Moms. None of it was easy. It was not a short process and the

pain is still very real.

I have heard it said that at first pain will sit on top of you, then it

walks beside you, finally you walk on it--but it never entirely goes

away. Loss brings change, change that is permanent and to be

able to find new meaning a purpose in life is not easy.