Day Eleven

Setting up this website and blog IS part of my story and so I have included the steps and what has been going on inside of me. The NOW.  That is where God is.  I can’t change the past--though I can share it; the future is yet to come.  All I have is the moment I am now in.  I choose in that moment.  If I choose this, I necessarily do not choose that.  The choices that I make will form something in me and reveals what is important to me, what is resonating in my heart today. God is in the process.  In fact, I believe that He is more interested in process than outcome. As I ponder this the anxiety dissipates and is replaced by awe and wonder.  This thing He has called me to do is changing me; causing me to focus on what I believe and allows me to see the disconnects in how I behave. 

“I am thrown back on You, Oh precious One.  I give you my nothing today in exchange for your everything.  It is Christ in me, the hope of glory.”

Day Ten

I ponder the words: “I have been crucified with Christ.” The cross suddenly becomes central. The cross. Jesus died 2,000 years ago and when He died I died; when He was buried I was buried; when He was raised up to new life, I was raised up to new life. (Rom. 6: 1-11) Something real happened that awful day that Jesus bled and died with my sins upon Him. The day I recognized this and the day I owned it as true--that I am a sinner, lost and desperately in need of a way of escape, I became a new creation. 

“For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies, we

were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.”   Romans 5:6-10 (NAS)

We are born again as we acknowledge our need for a Savior and receive Him.

We are saved by His Life as we walk moment by moment leaning on Him. 

“Today, Lord, I affirm your great and awesome salvation for my soul and give you my nothing for your everything. Christ in me, the hope of glory!”

Day Nine

Tonight I realize anew that I cannot do this website alone. He doesn’t want me to do it alone. Jesus is my source of Life. He loves it when I say, “I can’t do this thing.”  or, “It’s impossible!”  I fall before Him and cry, “help!”

Day Eight

The eighth day! Yesterday I worked very hard on getting the web site together. Got a story written and typed it--yes, I still work with pen and paper first. As I worked on the story I pick up Dan Allender’s book, To Be Told. He introduced me to story telling a few years ago. I want stories to be the main part of this site because they play such a part in our lives. We are a STORY; we are HIS story--history.  Allender says in To Be Told, “a good but unexamined life will be high on duty and not likely to celebrate the odd paradoxes, the ironic coincidences, and the humor of being dirt.  Remember we are only clay. Adam wasn’t named “Red” by accident.  Our biggest question:  

“Does my life really have meaning?”

Day Seven

Today I talked to Corene, a dear friend and a photographer. I asked her about doing a picture and described what I wanted to do with a red rose. She gasped. On Saturday she had given a wedding in her back yard for a friend and today her house was filled with red roses. How like God to have the resource all ready in place!

Day Six

This morning I woke up with a dream. In the dream I was on a roof with many other people and the thought came, “everyone can see what is going on up here.  It is so public!” I woke up knowing exactly what was going on in me in regard to this web site.  As I pondered all the work involved I started to think of the story angle again.  Everybody has a story and people want to share them. Not spiritual heavy weights but people like you, dear reader! God working in ordinary people. I could feature a story each month or each week.  An ongoing blog of how this ordinary person encounters God. I will have a resource page of books with a short introduction to each. And that is where I am at the beginning of Saturday, just four days after saying to God, "I want something fun and meaningful!"  And so it has begun.  (You don't have to be afraid to come home at night, my dear husband.  Your wife has been given something to do!)

Day Five

Well, most of yesterday I felt broken. A blog. Suppose no one wants to read it?  What if someone gets angry with me? What if I come across as a stupid or fake Christian? The negatives start rolling in. In the late afternoon I sat down at the computer to write down what I wanted on this web site.  I fiddled with the name for quite some time and then it came and it has not been used:  HIS VICTORIOUS INDWELLING!   Something settled. It changed my perspective. It met the core reason for doing this. It is not about me; it is all about HIM.  What do I want on this site?  Stories of real life!  I have lots of those but the pressure begins to mount.  So much to write.  I have a picture in my mind of what is to be the center piece of the Home page, the scripture, a song.

Day Four

YES! I want to share the Life that is bubbling up in me! This is my scripture reading today and an affirmation from my Dad that I am hearing HIM and not just my own thoughts: 

 “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, 

and do not return there without watering the earth, and making it bear and sprout, 

and furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 

so shall my word be which goes forth from my mouth. 

It shall not return unto me empty without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. 

For you will go out with joy and be led forth in peace; 

the mountains and hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, 

and the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Instead of the thorn bush the cypress will come up;

And instead of the nettle the myrtle will come up;

And it will be a memorial to the Lord,

An everlasting sign which will  not be cut off.      

Is 55:10-13. (NAS)

Day Three

I wake up with a light heart. Why? Don't know. I certainly did not DO anything to change the color of my mood. Later that day I went to a web site and read a blog and it ministered to me. (while I was reading it the thought came to me that I could do that, have a website.) I have never met Clint but his words and his faith touch my heart. Clint lost his wife in September after a long battle with cancer leaving five beautiful little girls for him to raise. God is working in Clint's life and he is not afraid to share it, to be vulnerable on a web site, a public place.  

So there it is, Father, "You love like a hurricane, I am a tree, bending beneath the winds of your mercy!"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vu9l-CXZEU

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail.  They are new every morning:  great is your faithfulness.  Lam 3:22,23

Day Two

I am like a petulant child. Nothing on my calendar for this month except a coffee on Thursday that I coordinate and all the women have said, "I cannot come."  (Reminds me of the song:  I can't come to the banquet, don't bother me now, I have married a wife, I have bought me a cow, I have fields and commitments that cost a pretty sum, please hold me excused I cannot come!) It is a beautiful fall day so Jake, my mini Aussie, and I take a walk in the Meadow. I pray with a long face--yes, I can even feel my face falling. My feelings toward God are a 0, or perhaps lower. I sing some songs.  PUNY--and then comes the whine:  I am 69, what DO I DO with the life I have left?  What is my purpose? And, I go mentally through all the things others DO.  But I know that God has not called me to DO any of these things. He has me on a different path.  I really am tired of this waiting stuff.  It has been nine years since life began to take a nose dive.  At some point in the day I ask Him for something that would minister to others that would be fun for me. I ask but the asking is all the faith I have. My emotions are definitely below zero by this time.

Day One

It has been a rough week of feeling isolated and useless. I have been complaining about God not doing anything. The Lord gave me the phrase “Waiting on God” just over the last couple of days. I know His voice. It is soft and almost sounds like my own thinking except these things seem to come out of nowhere.  The second day of this I was paging through my 1996 diary and went back to the first page:  “A year of loss”  Below this was a meditation I did as that year of loss began:

My soul, wait thou only upon God; 

for my expectation is from Him.

He only is my rock and my salvation

He is my defense; I shall not be moved.

Ps 62:5,6 KJV

For God ONLY, WAIT.  My EXPECTATION is from Him.  

To Wait.  Strongs #1826 (This particular word is only found in Ps 62) Means to:  be astonished, to stop, to perish, to be cut down, forbear, hold peace, quiet self, rest, be silent, stand still, tarry, wait. 

The dictionary adds a few more pieces:  To stay or rest in expectation or patience. (It is the opposite of expecting something evil which is sometimes called, “a bitter root expectation.”)

Only:  Strongs 389 surely; hence (by limitation) only.   

Dictionary:  Single, solitary, without the presence of another.   

Also solitary, without another, is Jehovah.

Expectation:  Strongs 8615  lit. a cord, attachment. Hope, that which I long for. From 6960 To bind together (by twisting) such as a three fold cord. Tarry, wait upon.

When I finish pondering these words I start to write:  “Soul, wait only upon your God.  Stop, hold your peace, be silent, tarry, stand still.  Wait in silence upon your God. Your expectation must be Him, from Him.That which you long for deep inside. You are bound together with Him like a three fold cord that is braided.  Wait on Him with the expectation that He is your rock, your salvation and you shall not be moved.    

For the next few days I will be sharing how He led me into doing the web site. It was 

two weeks ago that I looked at my 1996 diary on Ps 62---the wait, tarry, be intertwined with Him ALONE thing. Today I exchange my nothing--for HIS EVERYTHING.