Friday, October 7, 2011

Day Two

I am like a petulant child. Nothing on my calendar for this month except a coffee on Thursday that I coordinate and all the women have said, "I cannot come."  (Reminds me of the song:  I can't come to the banquet, don't bother me now, I have married a wife, I have bought me a cow, I have fields and commitments that cost a pretty sum, please hold me excused I cannot come!) It is a beautiful fall day so Jake, my mini Aussie, and I take a walk in the Meadow. I pray with a long face--yes, I can even feel my face falling. My feelings toward God are a 0, or perhaps lower. I sing some songs.  PUNY--and then comes the whine:  I am 69, what DO I DO with the life I have left?  What is my purpose? And, I go mentally through all the things others DO.  But I know that God has not called me to DO any of these things. He has me on a different path.  I really am tired of this waiting stuff.  It has been nine years since life began to take a nose dive.  At some point in the day I ask Him for something that would minister to others that would be fun for me. I ask but the asking is all the faith I have. My emotions are definitely below zero by this time.

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